Isolation.

Why is it that I find myself befriending isolation? Even when there are people who love and care about me, I feel the need to be in complete isolation without a clear reason why. Why must life be such a struggle? Is there even such a thing as pure happiness? If so why must I see and bare the tremendous amount of pain that comes from the life I live? For me, isolation is often followed by bad days, which entails feeling unloved, lonely, friendless and lost within Gods great earth. I feel the need to shut down, take a few steps backward into my depression and never want to let anyone in. What am I so afraid of? I'm afraid of love, I'm afraid to be loved. Even though, along with friendship, it is something I long for and truly desire, it is the thing that scares me the most. To open up revealing all of my most vulnerable emotions and life experiences and sharing them to a complete stranger; leaving me to wonder: do they ever even care? My bad days come from fear or a realization of what I need in life, but will never experience. Then comes my isolation, the need to shut myself away from the world when everything becomes too much. Often, I feel that I am always alone in this great world. I feel that no one will understand the concept that is me: the one who carries a broken heart in need of love, salvation, and self-forgiveness. In this state of mind I often wonder will this world ever truly know who I am? Will they ever understand all of my pain, heartache, depression and even my outlook on life and this world we live in? I guess instead of pursuing isolation I must fight my never-ending depression and press on. Press on to find the life I have always dreamed of. A life with happiness, love, friendship, salvation, and all I have ever needed. I understand that in life, mine especially, that there will be days where I will buckle under the weight of suffering that life brings forth, but I must never quit. Though I may fall, cry, and sometimes even break, I must always pick myself up again, never losing sight of what lays ahead. I must continue on in my journey to reveal to this world who I really am. I'm a woman, who has been broken too many times to be mended, hurt too many times to trust, cried too many times to ever find joy, lost too many times to ever find love...but even after all of this I still press forward; finding the beauty in everything around me.

Who, what, where, why...

I saw this in a SocialVibe forum and thought I'd blog it.

I Am... an individual.
I Want... a better tomorrow.
I Have... many personal obstacles to overcome.
I Wish... life wasn't so painful at times.
I Hate... the word hate, why can't everyone just find peace and love?
I Fear... what the future and my life my hold.
I Hear... beautiful music.
I Search... for the beauty in life, no matter how ugly it may get.
I Wonder... why I am the way that I am.
I Regret... nothing, or at least I'm trying to.
I Love... the beautiful things in life.
I Ache... for someone to love and for someone to love me.
I Always... try to move on.
I Usually... try to keep myself busy.
I Am Not... anything special.
I Dance... in the shower.
I Sing... while i dance in the shower
I Never... do anything.
I Rarely... talk on the phone.
I Cry... when I'm extremely angry
I Am Not Always... going to be enough, and i know that.
I Lose... myself, when i think of him.<3
I'm Confused... when it comes to hard maths and sciences.
I Need... love, happiness, and friendship.
I Should... have known better.
I Dream... of a better life, someday.